A whole new level of tired

“Courage does not always roar. Sometimes courage is the quiet voice at the end of the day saying, ‘I will try again tomorrow.’” – Mary Ann Radmacher

"There is no tired like beginning of the year, teacher tired" and "there is no tired like end of the year, teacher tired" were two things I found myself saying every year for 7 years and boy did I mean it.  I thought there is no way I could every be more exhausted than I am right now. The amount of work teachers are expected to complete in what seems like no time at all is overwhelming.  Not to mention the emotional and mental strain that comes with saying hello to a whole new group of students and goodbye to babies that have become your own. That was the most tired I could ever be. BOY WAS I WRONG. 

You guys. I am so happy. My heart is bursting with gratitude. I am so thankful that the Lord has allowed me to become a foster mom and have these beautiful girls with me... but I AM TIRED. 

Like teaching, foster care is not always forever. I was blessed with the most amazing girls to be my very first babies.  Three sisters, ages 3, 6, and 10 came into my home and into my heart in January. My last post was right before they arrived... and I haven't stopped long enough to post again.  That is the kind of tired I'm talking about.  I was so happy to connect with my girls' grandparents and aunt who love them dearly and were able to come visit several times while they were with me.  When the City went on pause and schools were closed the girls were given permission to go on an extended visit with their family (out of state) until everything was up and running again.  My very busy and full home was suddenly very quiet.  It was just my kittens Kit, Luna and myself. That lasted about a 2 weeks.  A family that I met through Graffiti 2 and I remained connected to despite the fact that their students were no longer in program reached out to me.  Their foster mom is a nurse and was contacted by the agency with concern regarding the girls' possible exposure to coronavirus.  As a precautionary measure, they wanted to remove the girls from her home until the pandemic was over.  She had listed me as a back up months before and asked if I would take the girls in.  I loved these girls from day one so of course, I did not hesitate to say yes.  Once again, my home had 3 little girls running around in it, ages 3, 6, and 7.  I am not usually free to post pictures.. however Coronavirus has brought face masks into our lives which makes pictures a little easier to share.  

Back to my realization of just how wrong I was.  You see.. these little ones depend on a grown up for everything.  EVERYTHING. I truly feel like all I do is cook, serve, wash dishes, clean up and start all over again. However, I know that is not correct because somewhere in there I also have to work and help them with their school work while also tending to my three year old's constant question of "what about me?" Most nights I go to bed with dishes still in the sink and class assignments that were not completed.  I just keep telling myself that I did all I could and will pick it back up tomorrow! I have admired my mom as long as I can remember.  While I am sure that I still do not know half of the sacrifices she made for me... I am starting to get a clearer picture.  

This is a whole new level of tired... but even more that that it is a whole new level of happy.  I remember playing in my garage with my cousins and we all had our baby dolls.  As long as I can remember, my baby dolls were always adopted.  I knew that was what I wanted to do. Praise the Lord for his provision.  He has brought so many friends and family along on this journey.  People who will run to the pharmacy when I can't go or send unexpected gifts to cover a special meal being ordered in are just the beginning.  There were so many who jumped into action when I welcomed my first babies into my home and sent clothes and gift cards to provide school supplies, clothes and blankets not to mention groceries! You guys, I am deeply grateful for how the Lord has used so many of you to show me his love. 

Thank you for praying for all of my girls.  While there was not an overlap in their stay here, they did get to spend time together on the weekends.  We often went to the park and church together.  Please pray for all 6 of them.  While they are so deeply loved by many, there is hurt there that only the Lord can heal.  If you would like more info on how to pray specifically for each of them, please feel free to reach out and I would love to share more with you.